Final Jeopardy!

The students have arrived in Greenville and checked in to campus. Those living in the dorms have met their roommates and settled into their rooms. The freshmen have processed into the Founder's Memorial Amphitorium during the opening service, and the visiting "evangelist" has delivered the standard (L)awful sermons intended to guilt the student body into submission at the beginning of the semester. And classes start at 7:00 AM sharp tomorrow.

It's the beginning of a new academic year at Bob Jones University, and yet...still no one seems to know how many freshmen are in the Class of 2015.

And if BJU can't tell its own freshmen how big their class is, it seems a wee bit optimistic to expect the University to tell anyone else. Including the University's own alumni visiting the University's own Facebook page.

What's that? You think perhaps those questions happened to slip past the page admin? Maybe he didn't notice these comments yet?

I don't think so.

And since then the page admin has also posted and "liked" other comments on the page.

The silence is deafening.

I'll note for the record that other colleges seem to have no problem forecasting and tracking enrollment. North Greenville University, for example, somehow knew to expect approximately 700 new students before their fall term began. And the College of Charleston managed to come up with a number for their freshman class, too. Bob Jones University? BJU miraculously knows everything about its freshman class but its size.

But...maybe the ability to count incoming freshman is a regional accreditation thing. Perhaps I shouldn't be too hard on ol' BJU. After all, they've only got national accreditation, like the Academy of Hair Technology and the Kenneth Shuler School of Cosmetology. Not regional accreditation, like North Greenville University and the College of Charleston.

Bob Jones University. The only university in America that truly believes a question doesn't exist if it is never answered.

BJU Balderdash to Be Cancelled?

Uh oh.

It appears that "BJU Balderdash for $200, Alex!" may have to be cancelled, as our host can no longer be found. Nor can the BJU Class of 2015 Facebook group, for that matter. Though the group still shows up in the Facebook quick search, clicking the link returns a user to his home page. All of the links in to the group from this blog are broken. This is the message you get if you try to click on the link at the top of the blog:

I noted in my last post, "Technical Difficulties: Please Stand By," that there was some weird stuff going on in the group a few nights ago.

Now the group is gone altogether.

Did BJU shut it down?

Or did "Kurt" kill the Class of 2015?

Update. I found a new BJU Class of 2015 group on Facebook.

So the old open group is definitely gone. And the new one is closed. I hope the freshmen can keep up with these constantly changing Class of 2015 groups.

Ah, well. We're probably not missing much anyway, since I doubt Alex is going to answer questions about class size even in a closed group.

Technical Difficulties: Please Stand By

Now the BJU Class of 2015 Facebook group has turned just plain weird, apparently thanks to someone calling himself Kurt Wagner. "Kurt" has somehow managed to post multiple times as one of the group admins this evening.

Bob Jones University. The only university in America that attracts more nuts than a Jif peanut butter factory.

Update. Looks like ol' Alex is back and has the show back on track. Good for you, Alex. Now I'd like "BJU Balderdash for $800," please...

Update 2. Looks like "Kurt" has disappeared as neither his blog nor his profile are available any more.

Commercial Break

Something interesting has happened in the BJU Class of 2015 Facebook group...

If you'll recall, "BJU Balderdash for $200, Alex!" was inspired by the ridiculous response given to members of the BJU Class of 2015 Facebook group who had the audacity (and naivete) to expect University representative Alex Warren to answer a question about the size of their freshman class.

By last Thursday, the membership had grown to 400.

At that point, someone else was added, because I recall seeing the membership top out and sit at 401 for a few days.

Imagine my interest, then, when I checked in on the Class of 2015 this morning to discover that membership is now down to 394.

What's more, four more new members joined the group yesterday, so I calculate that at least eleven members left or were removed from the BJU Class of 2015 since my last post.

I don't know why Ashley likes this turn of events, but I do know that the Facebook computers seem to have had no problem keeping up with this constantly changing number of group members.

Bob Jones University. The only university in America that can't count better than Facebook.

Update. Now the Facebook group membership is down to 391. I'm amazed for two reasons: (1) The number keeps declining and (2) Facebook seems to be really, really good at counting. Maybe BJU could outsource enrollment tracking to Facebook.

BJU Balderdash for $400, Alex!

Answer: DAILY DOUBLE!

Since Bob Jones University claims its freshman enrollment is a constantly changing number that is impossible to estimate or predict until after all the freshmen show up for the fall term, I figured I'd step in and see if I could help the BJU enrollment office by reviewing the freshman enrollment trend over the past few years.

One place you can find this historical enrollment data is the South Carolina Commission on Higher Education website. The CHE site has all sorts of enrollment information for South Carolina colleges and universities. It's very easy to use, and in about five minutes I was able to put together a simple chart showing the number of first-time freshmen reported as enrolled for the fall term over the past few years.

So, Class of 2015, let's go back to the original question Heather asked Alex a few days ago:

Well, let's see, Heather. If the current trend continues into the fall term, you can expect the number of first-time freshmen in your class to be around 500 to 550. That number, by the way, represents a massive decline in incoming freshmen (around 45%, give or take) from just four years ago.

Actually, enrollment at BJU has been declining so much in the last few years that they've had to revise the overall enrollment numbers on their own website, too. Here's what BJU's "Fast Facts" page said back in 2008:

And here's what BJU's "Fast Facts" page says today:

From 5,000 to 4,000 in just three years. Now THAT's what I call constantly changing!

Bob Jones University. The only university in America that needs volunteer bloggers to help answer freshman questions about class size and enrollment.

BJU Balderdash for $1,000, Alex!

Unlike every other college and university in America, Bob Jones University can't predict freshmen enrollment until all the students arrive on campus and show up for chapel so that the graduate assistant with the tally sheet in the balcony can do a proper headcount during the opening hymn*.

But there's no shame in that. If anything, it just makes Bob's Mind-boggling Magic Statistricks that much more mind-boggling!

What? You've never heard of Bob's Mind-boggling Magic Statistricks? Weh-heh-hell...Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...prepare to be astonished! amazed! astounded! Behold...Bob the Bewildering and his Mind-boggling Magic Statistricks!


Magic Statistrick #1: Guessing How Many Freshmen Get Financial Aid!

Remember the old "Guess the Number of Pennies in the Jar" game? Imagine trying to guess a constantly changing number of pennies. Now imagine trying to guess how many of that constantly changing number were minted after 1980. Impossible, you say? Not for Bob the Bewildering! Constantly changing numbers are no match for his astonishing powers of deduction!


Magic Statistrick #2: Cutting the Freshman Class in Half...Blindfolded!

For his next statistrick, Bob will cut the freshman class in half...blindfolded! But wait! No one--not even Bob--knows just how big the freshman class is. So how does Bob know where to cut to get all the boys on one side of campus and all the girls on the other side without creating a co-ed dorm or two along the way? He just does...because he's Bob the Bewildering!


Magic Statistrick #3: Divining the Top Majors of the Freshman Class!

Every freshman needs a major, so if it's impossible to predict the constantly changing size of the Class of 2015, it must be impossible to predict its top majors since they're constantly changing, too**. Right? Wrong! When it comes to divining unseen answers to unknown questions, Bob the Bewildering beats out Carnac the Magnificent every time!


Magic Statistrick #4: Deducing Where Freshmen Went to High School!

For his fourth statistrick, Bob the Bewildering will again display his powers of deduction by calculating the percentages of freshmen who attended Christian high schools, public high schools, or home schools. Remember, the number of freshmen is constantly changing, but the percentage who attended Christian high schools is always 52%! Unbelievable! How does he do that?


Magic Statistrick #5: Predicting Where the Freshmen Will Live!

A constantly changing number of freshman would spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E for your average student services office. But not for Bob the Bewildering! He knows exactly what percentage of freshmen to put in the dorms and what percentage to leave in town. He even knows just how many chicken tenders and dinner rolls to order for lunch next Sunday. Amazing!


Magic Statistrick #6: Knowing the Freshman Class's Top Home States!

And now for his final statistrick, Bob will pin the 1st BJ button on the states with the most students in the Class of 2015. And he's blindfolded, folks! Yes, he is! No one can know the size of the constantly changing BJU freshman class until the semester begins, but that doesn't stop Bob the Bewildering from picking out the top freshman-sending states three weeks early!


Thank you for coming to today's show, ladies and gentlemen. Come back again next week to watch Bob the Bewildering grade History of Civilization tests without even looking at the students' answers!

Bob Jones University. The only university in America that knows everything about its freshmen except how many of them to expect.

* Rumor has it that some years back, when enrollment was going gangbusters, the graduate assistant had to keep counting right through the prayer and the chapel announcements. This situation has not occurred in recent memory.

** It should be noted that Statistrick #3 is not quite as mind-boggling as it first appears. Two reasons: (1) Over the past few years, the University has been cutting majors and (2) enrollment in the religion majors (BJU's famous"preacher boys") has declined so far that they are not even in the running for top majors any more.

BJU Balderdash for $200, Alex!

If you go to any normal college or university two weeks before fall classes begin and ask about the size of the freshman class, chances are you'll get a rather straightforward response. "We've enrolled 812 freshmen to date." Or "We expect about 1,200 freshmen this year." And so on.

But ask that question at the World's Most Unusual University and...well, you'd have to be disappointed if you got anything but the World's Most Unusual Answer for your troubles.

That's just what the BJU Class of 2015 Facebook group got this week when they wanted to know how big their class is this year.

Good question, Heather. Let's see if the University representative can tell us...

Oops. Silly Alex! He thinks Heather wants to know how many freshmen are in the Facebook group, even though that number is clearly posted at the top of the page and pretty obviously not what she had in mind.

Oh, wait! Now he gets it. But he has to repeat the question again. Just to make sure that he's sure that the freshmen are sure that he knows what they're asking.

Yes! Okay, then! We're all finally on the same question, so let's get the answer from ol' Alex.

By the bald-headed Bob! Who could have guessed? It turns out that the World's Most Unusual University also has the World's Most Unpredictable Enrollment! The size of the freshman class is constantly changing! It's changing so constantly that the University can't even offer an estimate of enrollment two weeks before the semester begins!

It must be crazy down there in the admissions office. Crazy! Enrollment changing constantly! Crazy, I tell you! Pandemonium! Sheer pandemonium! BJU might as well use a random number generator to forecast enrollment at this point!

Bob Jones University. The only university in America that tells its freshmen two weeks before classes start that it has NO IDEA how many of them to expect.