BJU Balderdash for $1,000, Alex!

Unlike every other college and university in America, Bob Jones University can't predict freshmen enrollment until all the students arrive on campus and show up for chapel so that the graduate assistant with the tally sheet in the balcony can do a proper headcount during the opening hymn*.

But there's no shame in that. If anything, it just makes Bob's Mind-boggling Magic Statistricks that much more mind-boggling!

What? You've never heard of Bob's Mind-boggling Magic Statistricks? Weh-heh-hell...Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...prepare to be astonished! amazed! astounded! Behold...Bob the Bewildering and his Mind-boggling Magic Statistricks!


Magic Statistrick #1: Guessing How Many Freshmen Get Financial Aid!

Remember the old "Guess the Number of Pennies in the Jar" game? Imagine trying to guess a constantly changing number of pennies. Now imagine trying to guess how many of that constantly changing number were minted after 1980. Impossible, you say? Not for Bob the Bewildering! Constantly changing numbers are no match for his astonishing powers of deduction!


Magic Statistrick #2: Cutting the Freshman Class in Half...Blindfolded!

For his next statistrick, Bob will cut the freshman class in half...blindfolded! But wait! No one--not even Bob--knows just how big the freshman class is. So how does Bob know where to cut to get all the boys on one side of campus and all the girls on the other side without creating a co-ed dorm or two along the way? He just does...because he's Bob the Bewildering!


Magic Statistrick #3: Divining the Top Majors of the Freshman Class!

Every freshman needs a major, so if it's impossible to predict the constantly changing size of the Class of 2015, it must be impossible to predict its top majors since they're constantly changing, too**. Right? Wrong! When it comes to divining unseen answers to unknown questions, Bob the Bewildering beats out Carnac the Magnificent every time!


Magic Statistrick #4: Deducing Where Freshmen Went to High School!

For his fourth statistrick, Bob the Bewildering will again display his powers of deduction by calculating the percentages of freshmen who attended Christian high schools, public high schools, or home schools. Remember, the number of freshmen is constantly changing, but the percentage who attended Christian high schools is always 52%! Unbelievable! How does he do that?


Magic Statistrick #5: Predicting Where the Freshmen Will Live!

A constantly changing number of freshman would spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E for your average student services office. But not for Bob the Bewildering! He knows exactly what percentage of freshmen to put in the dorms and what percentage to leave in town. He even knows just how many chicken tenders and dinner rolls to order for lunch next Sunday. Amazing!


Magic Statistrick #6: Knowing the Freshman Class's Top Home States!

And now for his final statistrick, Bob will pin the 1st BJ button on the states with the most students in the Class of 2015. And he's blindfolded, folks! Yes, he is! No one can know the size of the constantly changing BJU freshman class until the semester begins, but that doesn't stop Bob the Bewildering from picking out the top freshman-sending states three weeks early!


Thank you for coming to today's show, ladies and gentlemen. Come back again next week to watch Bob the Bewildering grade History of Civilization tests without even looking at the students' answers!

Bob Jones University. The only university in America that knows everything about its freshmen except how many of them to expect.

* Rumor has it that some years back, when enrollment was going gangbusters, the graduate assistant had to keep counting right through the prayer and the chapel announcements. This situation has not occurred in recent memory.

** It should be noted that Statistrick #3 is not quite as mind-boggling as it first appears. Two reasons: (1) Over the past few years, the University has been cutting majors and (2) enrollment in the religion majors (BJU's famous"preacher boys") has declined so far that they are not even in the running for top majors any more.